I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
