Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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