I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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