Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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