So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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