i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
