i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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