So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
