"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
