God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
