He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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