Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
