Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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