Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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