just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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