maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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