He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
