Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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