and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
