If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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