hell yes lets make some ravioli
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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