My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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