All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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