and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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