why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Alive.
So much puke
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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