i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
