people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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