He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
