her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
