Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
