Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
