Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
