Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
