You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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