first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
