sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
