If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
