NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
