It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In other news, I just burned my penis
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
