??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
