She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
