I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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