I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
