his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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