I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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