She is in my trunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
