im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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