Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
