did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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