Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
